Feminist Overload
by gix
Summary: About a group of feminists trying to take over the world. Takes place two years after Endless Waltz, rated R for lots of swearing. I've got a strange sense of humor so not many will find this funny. Please R/R, flame me if you want.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I certainly don't own Gundam Wing. 

Author's Notes: This is my first Gundam Wing fic, it's also my first attempt at humour, didn't come out as I had planned. About a group of feminists trying to take over the world, takes place 2 years after Endless Waltz. I've only watched the first 16 episodes and Endless Waltz so please forgive me if some of the information isn't entirely accurate. Relena is really cruel in this fic. Rated R for swearing and some violence. 

** Feminist Overload **

Normal wasn't exactly what you'd use to describe her day but then again, Relena Peacecraft wasn't exactly your normal 18 year old girl, unless you consider being Queen of the World normal. However, attending meetings, signing a mountain of documents, and shredding numerous death threats was just another day in the life of Relena Peacecraft. 

It wasn't easy being the Queen of the World, there was a huge amount of work and responsibility, anyone with a weak mind and spirit would have crumbled under the pressure in a matter of days. Numerous words could be used to describe Ms. Relena, spoiled, naïve, bitch, the list goes on… but weak wasn't one of them. 

"Junk, junk, death threat, bill, junk, death threat," Relena yawned. "Hmm, the usual stuff, I thought I told that secretary filter out all the death threats. She is so fired!" 

Relena frowned, although she was a pacifist and appeared as a perfect angel in front of the camera, she couldn't tolerate incompetence amongst her staff and was commonly called the bitch whore from hell. Of course she didn't know about that, if she ever found out you could bet the person that started the whole thing would have been skinned alive. With an exaggerated sigh she picked up her phone and called her secretary. 

"Hello, um, Ms. Um, Ms. …" began Relena. 

"That's Ms. Pennywinkle, Ms. Relena," supplied her secretary. 

"Whatever, anyways I'm calling you to tell you that you're fired. You have 5 minutes to evacuate the premises or security will called, have a nice day." 

Minutes later, Relena's close friend and sister in law, Lucreczia Noin walked into the office. Noin married Milliardo Peacecraft, Relena's brother 6 months ago, however she still preferred being addressed as Noin. 

"Relena, on my way here I saw Ms. Pennywinkle running away from our guard dogs, what did she do this time?" asked Noin. 

"That incompetent cow was beginning to annoy me, so I fired her and gave her 5 minutes to leave. It figures, she can't even pack fast enough," replied Relena in nonchalant tone. 

"Relena, that's the 3rd one you've fired this week, at this rate you'll be out of secretary's." 

"But Noin, you know I can't tolerate incompetence. Now what did you come here for, I'm sure it wasn't just about me firing Ms. Pennywinkle." 

"Well, we've been getting news about feminist rallies that have escalated into riots and looting. Several weapons were also found stolen." 

"What! I work my ass off trying to maintain peace and those feminist bitches are trying to ruin it! Noin, get me the Gundams!" 

"Um, Ms. Relena, the gundams were destroyed 2 years ago, remember after the Mariemeia incident." 

"Oh right, then bring me the gundam pilots! They'll teach those feminist bitches to mess with my kingdom!" 

"All right I should be able to get them here by the end of the week." 

"Wait a minute Noin, if we're a pacifist country, why are we still manufacturing weapons?" 

"Er, uh, gotta go, bye!" exclaimed Noin as she all but flew out of Relena's office. 

Relena stared at where Noin was just sitting a few seconds ago, almost as if she were expecting an answer from an empty chair. After a few more seconds she simply shrugged and got back to filing through her thick stack of papers. 

"Excellent, now where was I? Oh yes, junk, junk, death threat…" 

**Meanwhile at the Feminist Headquarters. **

The base was full of laughter, drunk girls were stumbling around nude, banners with the words "Girl Power" were hung everywhere. Near the front of room was a large stage. Suddenly, the noise died down as one trench coat wearing woman walked onto the stage at the front of the room. Apparently she was the leader of the feminists, how do we know this? Probably because it was clearly indicated by the big bold letters on the back of her trench coat that spelled the word "LEADER". 

"My fellow females! Last nights raid was a complete success! Soon the world shall be rid of male dominance! The world shall be ruled by women and males will be no more than our slaves!" exclaimed the woman on the stage with glee. 

"Um, excuse me but the last time I checked we were being ruled by a female, I believe her name was Relena," said a woman in the audience. 

"How dare you argue with me?! I made you, and I can destroy you!" with that said, the woman on the stage grabbed a remote control and pressed a button. Suddenly a person in the audience exploded but it wasn't the one who had spoken. 

"Damn! Wrong button!" she then pressed another button. Yet another person exploded but once again it wasn't the intended target. "Lousy AC 192 peace of junk!" 

"Oh for crying out loud! I guess I'll just kill you the old fashioned way!" With that being said, she reached into her coat, grabbed a piece of gundanium and chucked it at the woman. It struck her in the head, killing her in that one blow. 

"Are there anymore objections?" asked the leader. Seeing as there were no more objections she continued talking. "The next phase of our plan is to kidnap queen Relena and have her enforce feminism upon the people of the Sanq Kingdom…and then the world! Victory shall be ours!" 

With that said, the room burst into a huge fit of cackling laughter. 

**One week and several kidnapping attempts later… **

"NOIN!!!" screamed an angry Relena. "Get your ass down here NOW!!" 

"Relena, its 2:30am, what could possibly be the problem?" asked a sleepy-eyed Noin. 

"There's a woman currently hanging off my balcony!" shrieked Relena. 

"Relena, calm down, I'm standing right in front you. Geez, at this rate I'll lose my hearing before I reach 30," Noin quietly added. 

"I will NOT calm down!" shouted an enraged Relena. "I was almost kidnapped, AGAIN! Fortunately the kidnapper had not yet mastered the art of walking in high heels, she tripped and fell, otherwise I wouldn't even be here right now!" 

"Don't worry Relena, we'll have guards posted 24/7, this will never happen again," assured Noin. 

"We already did that…7 times already!" screeched a livid Relena. "Those good for nothing guards are currently sleeping on their fat, worthless asses! Noin send them to the spanking room immediately!" 

"Even Derwood?" asked Noin. 

"Especially Derwood!" shrieked Relena. 

The spanking room was something Relena had installed in AC 197 to punish lazy workers. The people were lined up while robotic hands would spank them one by one. Unfortunately for the workers, the robotic hands didn't seem to know their own strength and usually gave people very sore and bruised asses. It had even broken 3 hipbones during its existence. 

"Relena, what should we do about the kidnapper that's still probably hanging off your balcony?" asked Noin. 

"Noin, I think the answer is obvious," said Relena in an exasperated tone. "Toss her in the iron maiden!" 

Ever since Heero had left her, Relena had become somewhat cruel and sadistic. She developed a fetish for medieval torture devices, that she would use to torture her would be assassins and kidnappers. 

"Relena, I'm afraid the corpse of that woman from last Thursday is still in there, the caretaker is currently on his holiday," replied Noin. 

"What!! How dare he take a vacation, when he gets back send him straight to the spanking chamber!" ordered Relena. "As for the kidnapper, tie her to the rack!" 

"Of course Relena," said Noin. 

Just as Noin began to head up to fetch the kidnapper, the doorbell rang. Relena went and opened the door and there stood the Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Heero. Wait a minute, Heero?! Relena was greatly shocked and pleased to see this for you see, Relena no longer has that crush on Heero, she swore revenge on him for wasting 2 years of her life and now was the perfect time to take it. 

So how was it? If anyone wants me to continue just tell me. Please review, flame me if you want. 


End file.
